Who's Side Are You On?

I usually don't like to watch the news, but I do browse through news articles here and there. With all the headlines that range from exceedingly depressing to "really, why is that important," I think the stories that get me the most fired up are those that deal with Christianity in some shape or form. Besides my heart breaking for those who would rather hate me because of what some other so-called "Christian" did, the subject that gets to me the most are the "self righteous fools."

I just have to ask, "who's side are you on?" Where in any scripture do you find a free pass to hate, curse, be angry, be bitter, be resentful, be judgmental, or any other character that couldn't be more opposite of God? I'm serious, show me the scripture!

It saddens me for many reasons. I desire to always be Christlike, but when I'm in conversation with someone new and tell them, "I'm a believer," it's like telling a group of Jews I'm a Nazi. That is so ridiculous, and for the majority of the time, that look comes from people who came across "Christians" in their past, and well, unfortunately that's their only description of them. I can't blame the person for their look, but man what a hindrance.

It also saddens me that with everything I will teach my son, its not a worry for him to go out into the world and be exposed to sin (he can find sin in his own parents) but that he'll be exposed to Christians that have no relationship with God. In name only do they walk among us, there's no relationship as everything they say and do is too contrary to Jesus.

So again, I challenge Christians, who's side are you on? The devil's or Christ's? We all will forever struggle with sin as it can't be completely removed from us. If we have accepted Jesus Christ as our personal savior though, we acknowledge our crime of sin and that He paid the ultimate penalty in order for us to not be punished with eternal separation from God. We will still struggle though, we will still feel every regular human emotion possible, but without that relationship with God, we can't live in His ways. We will fail without Him.

We will hurt others that are broken.
We will oppress the poor.
We will judge the sinner for things we're just as capable of doing.
We will never forgive that family member or ex-spouse.
We will never mature or move forward.
We will never make disciples.
We will never save a life.

If, we continue on with no real relationship with God.

Having that relationship will open us up to being more like Him, to keep His commandments, to objectively read His word, and we'll know how to love that neighbor as we love ourselves.

We can stand up for God, without acting like a society of uncontrollable emotions. To stand up for God though requires a relationship with him and reading of the scriptures in a way that reveals knowledge to us. Scripture and the armor of God are two different things. If we don't understand scripture, we can't put it on as part of our armor. However, scripture alone is not a weapon that you can slap people up and down with especially if you misunderstood something. There's tough love, but you can't love someone, believer or non-believer, if you don't give yourself in a relationship with Jesus.

I want to be on the side of righteousness without being righteous. I'm still the broken hearted, abused, oppressed, poor, and unwanted, who accepted my free gift to ultimately share it with others. I'm no more special or not special than that. I'm the woman at the well, I'm also the blind man, we are they who Jesus chose to die for! Choose your side.

Distressing Spirits

Since the beginning of this week, which is going into the first days of December, I have felt a little distressed. There are no grievances in my marriage, no turmoils in my son, and school is going along just fine. I'm curious about this distress and maybe it is just because my health is under the weather, but it also could be unresolved sin. It could be a distress over my feelings of displacement by living here and by having a goal just out of reach slightly beyond my fingertips. I'm going to at least conclude I feel worse with a combination of the above.

So how do I deal with the evidence at hand? Well as for my cold I could make sure I'm resting and eating well, also getting plenty of fluids, and if need be take myself to a doctor. As for my displacement, I realize moving out of state is not going to happen anytime in the next five days so I might as well forget about dwelling on it. As for my goals being out of reach, I doubt I'll make serious progress until I'm closer to graduation, that is also not anytime soon. I might as well just keep to my studies and get the best grades I possibly can and keep my heart open to more revelation on the matter. As for unresolved sin, even though I may be unaware of the exact nature, I can always pray for an overhaul on my heart and to be convicted of what I don't realize and ask for forgiveness.

You see, I'm not upset about being distressed, it is simply a feeling. This feeling of course can get out of hand, but that's why I need to do just as I am now and check it. For all I know God could be trying to tell me something and I'm not listening without my heart being tugged on. I always like to at least end up pondering God's personality. I can't know exact details into His workings, but through scripture I can do my best to clarify the inspired words of God to understand a little bit better about Him. I can test what is contrary, and I can research with objectivity. The only time I find it best to put off the Word is when I feel I'm searching subjectively. I have to put my mind aside in a sense in order to fully comprehend without contradiction. I believe God's word is truth, so it would be counterintuitive to go scamming scripture looking for a verse to justify myself.

It becomes clearer every day that I have such a high responsibility to my son and to my family. My spiritual maturity and growth can make or break this family and I have got to tread carefully but diligently about Jesus Christ and my claims to having a personal relationship with Him and also living a life that won't contradict scripture. If I'm unsure about something, I need only to take the time to patiently pray and learn. More recently I've been inclined to research more about family values, scripture teachings on many different subjects that are pertinent in our society, and where I stand as an acclaimed Christian, disciple in Christ, on each of these matters. How do you love the sinner and hate the sin? And without ruffling a single feather, or is that even possible? I guess what has come over me in this distress is a sense of urgency to check my heart with God and adhere to His call on me to "love" as He commands so. Then with that, how to go about into the community and express that love while letting others know that sin is death and if they want to, they can choose life. First it takes a lot about understanding sin, which is something I'm still learning a lot about. It was the turning point in my transformation, and as much as I want that for others, they may simply just reject.

Life is interesting indeed. I feel a decline in my distress as I type, and I do give this all over to Jesus, He will be my guide, and my strength, and my comfort. Sometimes even God can distress me in order to grab my attention. As I said, there is nothing so wrought with dismay that I have any reason to be beside myself. But I do know that within a thinking process I can objectively review my heart and pray to the Almighty for a friend and willing hand to pull me back to the surface and get on with it.

Holiday Season

It is approaching the end of November, 2011. This is mind boggling to me, but at the same time, I wouldn't trade this time for any other. I already have the Christmas tree up, cards are being filled out, and I'm way too broke for presents. This is going to be my son's third Christmas and I couldn't be more excited that we get to spend it in Pittsburgh with his Great Grandparents and also his Grandparents from Missouri. I'm looking forward to family fun and of course really good food and treats.

Christmas as I knew it has completely changed ever since my first one with Mark four years ago. The time of depressing Holidays is over, and yes, I'll make sure it stays over. I'm not all into the commercialism of this time of year, and I certainly refuse to give anyone a "list" of my desired interests when all I really want is the time with each other and to celebrate the birth of my Savior, on the wrong day of course. It's funny to realize we celebrate the birth of Jesus on a day picked to overrule partying, but what do most of us do, party! So, although the date is wrong, I'm still not into the mockery of Christmas. It is a time to remember that all that we have around us is a result of a loving God who would give His only Son in order that we have life at all. I make it a point to remember this daily, but what's special around Christmas is the spirit. I'm not talking about the Spirit of Christmas of Charles Dickens, but of an outpour of the Holy Spirit that is otherwise a little stale the rest of the year. It shouldn't be that way really, but in all honesty it's for a lack of trying on the part of us who claim to be Christians 24/7.

Although I will be baking cookies, listening to TransSiberian Orchestra, decorating with silly Santa themed items, sending cards with a glittered Mickey Mouse on them, and purchasing and wrapping presents, my true heart will be in the Holy Spirit. There are so many lights at Christmas time, and I think of the star that lit the way for the Wise Men. December is a very dark month without a lot of daylight, so the lights on houses and on trees become even more beautiful in the darkest of nights. In this house though, the lights point to something more. When it's dark in here, there is the light of Jesus, it dwells within me and if only I could shut up sometimes it will shine brighter than any star God has created. In here will be "the Spirit of Christmas" of warm and inviting love that transcends all year round. I've gotten the greatest gift of all in existence. The gift of Jesus as my Lord and my Savior. There is nothing else I could ask for.

Happy Christmas, and may the turn of the new year be a blessing upon those who seek a love greater than anything they can imagine. Seek the light, life will never be the same.